A Personal Reckoning After My Plea for Tax Fraud
Surviving Awakening & the Criminal Justice System
By Brian D. Davison
Introduction: A Public Reflection
In July 2025, I entered a new plea agreement with the federal government—this time, for tax fraud.
This legal chapter has been long, complex, and unrelenting for over five years. It has involved layers of government scrutiny, asset seizures, public and private attacks—and, for the most part, my silence. But this plea isn’t just a legal milestone. It’s a personal one. A marker of something much deeper: the ongoing, deliberate process of letting go of who I was—and becoming who I am meant to be. That journey began, in earnest, on February 14, 2020.
This blog isn’t a defense. I have no desire to posture online, and I’m not a social media personality. I also understand this blog may mean nothing to most people. Some may even mock it. I’m okay with that. This space is simply an outlet—one I feel called to create. And if I’m able to articulate my experience with sincerity, perhaps it can serve someone else. I’ve always been surrounded by fellow entrepreneurs. Maybe this is for them. Or maybe it’s just for me.
The Inner Journey: Beyond Courtrooms and Case Files
Over the last five years, I’ve gone far beyond lawyers and legal strategy. I’ve gone inward—into solitude, into books, into uncomfortable truths. I’ve studied Marcus Aurelius, Dr. Joe Dispenza, Viktor Frankl, Gabor Maté, Alan Watts, Ram Dass—and for the first time in my life, I opened the Bible on my own. I started with Job, but oddly enough, found Matthew far more compelling. (More on that another time.)
I’ve spent thousands of hours unpacking not just my actions—but the mindset, identity, and childhood frameworks that shaped them. The most meaningful insights? They didn’t come from sentencing memos. They came from confronting the lies I believed about success, worth, and who I needed to be in the world.
I’m still deciding how much I want to share about my early life. That may stay private. But I will say this: America’s culture often cheers you on while you run from yourself. And the only true solution I’ve found is this: to be in the world, but not of it.
The Breakdown Before the Breakthrough
When most people think of “reform,” they imagine self-improvement: better habits, a stronger mindset, a good therapist, or a better lawyer. But real reform—real transformation—is subtraction, not addition.
You don’t become someone new by piling new routines on top of the same ego.
You become someone new by letting go of who you were pretending to be under the guise of ambition.
That was my reality.
As I watched my reputation, my business, and my freedom slowly dissolve over the last five years, I had to face a hard truth: the person I had spent decades building wasn’t fully real. Or, at the very least, that version of me was built in response to old pain and unconscious socialization. He was a composite of ambition, trauma, hustle, and fear. I didn’t just lose a company—I lost an identity I thought was me.
Identity, Ego, and Essence
Here’s what I’ve come to understand:
- Identity is your title, your track record, your public image. It’s flexible—but only as long as you’re “winning.”
- Ego is the survival story you cling to—it exists to protect your identity and expand it. Society rewards this with applause and status.
- Essence is who you are when all of that is gone.
I had never explored my essence—not as an adult. I was always moving. Always striving. Always chasing. That energy created business momentum and decisive outcomes—but it left no space to ask the deeper questions:
What do things actually mean to me?
What is truly valuable?
Years before I was formally indicted—long before I entered this latest plea—I began facing these questions. And while I still grieve parts of my former self, I’ve also found a clarity I never had while I was “succeeding.”
Why This Matters Now
In legal terms, this kind of personal work is often categorized as “mitigation.”
In spiritual terms, it’s known as ego death.
Either way, I am no longer the man I was. And that matters—not just to the court, but to myself.
This stage of life—midlife, the years ahead—doesn’t need to be run by outdated frameworks rooted in childhood insecurity. Those systems served a purpose once. But they don’t serve me now.
As Michael Santos and Justin Paperny teach, the justice system doesn’t just assess your past—it considers your present and your potential. The question is simple:
Are you still clinging to the person you were?
Or have you done the work?
I’m not writing to escape accountability.
I’m writing to prove I won’t waste it.
What I’ve Lost—and What I’m Learning to Accept
Grieving the old self doesn’t happen in one moment. It happens in waves.
I’ve been grieving since early 2020—and I’ve moved through every stage: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and now… acceptance.
- I’ve let go of being “the builder,” “the provider,” “the one in control.”
- I’ve sat with shame, confusion, and guilt—without trying to fix them or explain them away.
- I’ve learned to embrace silence, stillness, and solitude—not as punishment, but as tools.
And slowly, I’ve begun to rebuild—not through external wins, but through deep internal discipline, accountability, and spiritual renewal.
The New North Star
What does life look like now?
It’s quiet. Structured. Intentional.
I’m no longer chasing the next big deal. I’m chasing introspection and humility.
I’ve learned how to lose—and in doing so, I’ve gained something far more meaningful.
- I focus on mentoring others—especially those navigating business and legal issues.
- I write. I reflect. I serve where I can.
- I no longer measure my value by what I can scale, but by how consistently I show up with truth, presence, and character.
What’s Next on This Blog
This will be the first in a series of reflections.
Some posts will address the legal system and the lessons it’s taught me. Others will explore the spiritual, psychological, and emotional journey I’ve walked over the last five years.
Topics I plan to cover:
- How living under the shadow of two federal indictments became a spiritual practice
- Lessons from Viktor Frankl and Marcus Aurelius inside legal limbo
- Why remorse is not weakness
- How to talk to your children when the federal government falls on top of you
- What “reputation repair” really means—and what it can’t fix
Each post will aim to document one thing: a path of truth.
Not perfection. Not justification. Just… truth.
Final Thought
If you’ve found this blog, you may be part of the legal system, a friend, a colleague, or simply someone curious about what happens after the headlines fade.
My hope is that you see this for what it is: an honest, vulnerable account of a man who got it wrong—and is doing the work to get it right.
Thank you for reading.
More to come.
With humility,
Brian D. Davison
July 2025